After a week long search Tony Blair has been discovered in a cupboard at his 100 acre mansion in Sedgfield.
Asked about his whereabouts the former premier said "I was told by a close aide that the ongoing Iraq Inquiry is likely to uncover a lot of skeletons in my cupboard. I took the decision to locate and dispose of them before they were uncovered".
It is thought that during the search Mr Blair found David Blunkett who had got lost during Mr Blairs 'vicars and tarts' party in the summer. It is unclear if Mr Blunkett was wearing suspenders.