Written by Seymour Didez
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Tuesday, 19 January 2010

image for England confused by Scottish hostility
The couple in happier times

The highly volatile marriage between Scotland and England was brought into focus again last night in front of scandal-hungry celebrity reporters at a glamour ball in Woodburn Miners' Club, Dalkeith.

Having spent the night being wined and dined by a big hunky stranger know simply as 'Europe', Scotland left the club at 3am clearly the worse for wear.

Enough was enough for the plucky little country who flew into a rage when asked about England's comments the previous week that she had wasted her housekeeping money.

"He's a big, dirty bastard and a liar too" she snapped at surprised reporters. "For three hundred years the wages from my cleaning job at the community college have gone straight into his account and I haven't seen a penny. Three hundred years- and now he's got the cheek to moan about a wee 25 billion deficit!" she continued.

Scotland was led crying into a waiting taxi by close friends Wales and Ireland who promised to get her to a kebab shop before it was too late.

England was unavailable for comment but sources said the ageing constitutional monarchy was "confused and bewildered" by his wife's comments amongst other things.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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