Written by IainB
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Topics: Fat

Tuesday, 19 January 2010

image for Health and Safety for Weightwatchers
Such gatherings are now outlawed

After a second floor collapse at a Weightwatchers meeting in Swindon, the Safety, Health and Income Tax Executive have issued a series of guidelines for all diet and exercise clubs.

Where possible, all meetings of ten or more people over fifteen stone each should be held outside. Where it is not possible to be held outside, the meetings must be held on the ground floor of a building with no basement or cellar.

In order to minimise any potential risk, all members of these clubs must stand at least three metres (approximately fifteen feet) apart, and walk one at a time. Under no circumstances should they engage in any kind of exercise that involves simultaneous jumping. This applies to groups that are gathering outside as well, unless they are at least fifty metres from any building, electricity pylon or tree.

Where possible, Fat Fighting clubs should endeavour to have no more than one person in each group who exceed twenty stone.

Special dispensation is given to exercise clubs that take place in water, as it is believed that the water will displace some of the weight, and vigorous movement is limited by water resistance.

Finally, all groups that involve sitting must no longer use chairs, as this concentrates the weight into four small points on a floor, which could lead to catastrophic collapse. Instead, beanbags are suggested, or alternatively, standing, which is good for the cardiovascular system anyway.

S.H.I.T.E offer one final piece of advice: Don't get overweight, it's not just bad for the heart, you could get trapped in a building, and fat people are harder to rescue.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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