Written by re5al
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Topics: Britain, Immigration

Sunday, 17 January 2010

image for Britain declared 'full'.
Britain - Full.

Home Secretary Alan Johnson has declared the UK full and ordered that the UK Border agency close all Ports with immediate effect.

For years now British Daily Mail readers have been screaming from the roof tops that the UK's population was getting perilously close to boiling point. On Satarday Evening Mr Johnson finally called together senior immigration officials to discuss the matter at hand.

Ig Norrant of the Anti Full UK Union (AFUKU) said "We have constantly lobied the Government about the dangers of a full UK. Housing is stretched, Schools are stretched, even the junction down by McDonalds can't cope with the heavy traffic".

The problem initially hit Johnson's radar when the 3.45pm British Airways flight from Poland landed at Heathrow. As 224 passengers pushed into the arrivals lounge, reports from around the country came in citing that 7 people had fallen from the cliffs at Dover, 4 at Scarborough and the Humber Bridge had collapsed under the strain as the millions of people in the country shuffled around to try to create the space.

The Home Office issued the following announcement:

"It is with immediate effect that the UK will be closed to all incoming nationals. We have come to realise that the UK is now full and there is no more room for them. Unfortunately these decisions have to be made. When it's a choice between falling off the edge of the country or staying in other countries. We believe the latter to be the best option. Despite the fact that those other countries are politically oppressed and have no jobs (after we banned outsourcing). Why should we suffer".

The Conservatives have yet to comment as David Cameron cannot find the space to ride his bike to the office.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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