Local man, Martin Shuttlecock tonight caused a bit of a domestic hoo-hah when he flatly refused to go to bed because he feared he would be abducted and anally probed by space aliens from a distant planet in a flying saucer.
Wife, Anne, tried to calm Shuttlecock down by explaining that his previous experience of alien abduction and anal probing was simply a bad dream, but Shuttlecock was having none of it.
"They're not sticking probes up MY arse!" he reportedly told his wife.
In desperation, Mrs Shuttlecock made an emergency call to Alien Probes R Us, and a counsellor was despatched to the Shuttlecock residence. The counsellor, a hippy type wearing corduroy trousers, moccasins, and a floral patterned silk shirt patiently explained to Martin Shuttlecock that aliens were not remotely interested in probing his arse hole.
"Homer Simpson got anally probed!" Shuttlecock protested. "And if it can happen to a Hollywood megastar it can happen to anybody!"
"Homer Simpson is not a real person," the counsellor explained with admirable restraint.
"Sure he is!" Shuttlecock argued. "I've seen him on TV, he works at the nuclear power plant and drinks Duff beer at the bar!"
"Listen dude," the counsellor told an increasingly agitated Shuttlecock. "Homer isn't real, and neither are alien abductions and anal probing. It's been a long day. You need to get some rest."
At which point, Mrs Shuttlecock emerged from the kitchen muttering expletives under her breath and whacked her husband over the head with a rolling pin, rendering him instantly unconscious. She then asked the hippy counsellor to let himself out, hauled her husband over her shoulder and carried him upstairs to bed.
There were no further reports of anal probing by aliens.
More as we get it...or when Mr Shuttlecock does!