Mrs Dorothy Polkadott was today fined £25 for driving without due care and attention at Blow Street Magistrates Court, after a police officer on patrol saw her Starburst Green Mercedes ploughing at speed through a blizzard with a naked drunk stuck to the windscreen and hanging on for dear life.
"I was on my way home from working late at the office with Greg, the office junior, when I heard a loud bang," Mrs Polkadott told the court. "I was horrified to see a naked man squashed up against the windscreen. I tried to shake him off several times by swerving and applying the handbrake but he just kept holding on. The next thing I knew, I was pulled over by the police, and here I am."
The bench then asked what Mrs Polkadott had been doing with the office junior. At which point she smiled demurely and mumbled something about it being good enough for Iris Robinson.
PC Buster Lorravum, giving evidence for the prosecution described how he saw a vehicle emerge at speed from out of the blizzard with "a big chubby hairy bare arse where the windscreen ought to have been."
The drunk, Roger M Senseless stated that he'd been at his own bachelor party when 'friends' stripped him naked and tossed him into the street as a stag night stunt.
"Next thing I knew, I was hanging on for dear life and freezing me bleedin' nuts off," Senseless told the court.
As well as imposing the £25 fine on Mrs Polkadott, presiding magistrate Mrs Ginger Robinson (no relation to Anne Bancroft or Iris Robinson) invited Mr Senseless into Chambers for a 'private conversation.'
Reports that she had a mischievious twinkle in her eye as she announced this have yet to be confirmed.
More scandal as we get it.