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Tuesday, 12 January 2010

Hogwarts, the world famous school of witchcraft and wizardry near Hogsmeade, Scotland, is closing in 2011 following a report by the HSE. They claim that during recent inspections, asbestos was found in the Gryffindor common room and also confirmed that they had discovered traces of Selenium in the water. They also described the school's moving staircases as being "an accident waiting to happen".

The news comes only two weeks after staff at the school went on strike due to issues surrounding pay.

It is expected that the school will be demolished in October 2011 and once this has taken place, Hogsmeade County Council are planning to use the site as part of a new housing scheme and have also advised that the nearby Forbidden Forest could be used to develop a retail park, which would include a 24 hour Tesco and garden centre, bringing approximately 600 new jobs to the area.

Arriva Trains have also confirmed that they will be expanding services to Hogsmeade Parkway in 2012, a decision which has been praised by local residents.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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