Written by Rebut
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Topics: London, wedding

Sunday, 26 September 2004

image for Muslim Terror Can This Go On?
..and a brief case with blue diamonds, if I hadn't ....

Ishmael and Alia Kahn celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary, purchased a weekend package at a top London Hotel. It was their way of reaffirming their vows, as well as getting away from the hustle and bustle of modern day Saudia Arabia. It was also a big mistake because London today is home to a terrorist organisation so evil that bin Laden himself avoids it.

Arriving at Heathrow late on Friday afternoon they took a cab to the hotel. The friendly cabbie was at pains to point out that the 225 mile trip was necessary to avoid Friday afternoon congestion into the city. Ishmael says that he was about to express his annoyance when he noticed the "Millwall Supporters Club" sticker, and thought better of it.

The Kahns checked into their hotel and, not wanting to waste any more of their precious time, went upstairs, quickly unpacked and returned to the lobby for a freshly squeezed orange juice before dinner. It was while they were sipping their drinks and gazing into each others eyes that a man approached their table and asked to join them.

With a quick glance to ensure that this was not another Millwall supporter, Ishmael waved the stranger to a chair. The man introduced himself as Mazher Mahmood and referred to himself as Ishmael's brother, which Ishmael found strange as he only had one sister whom he never spoke to.

"You have come about the Red Mercury not so? asked Mahmood. "Not really we're on the Blue Diamond Package". said Ishmael.

"Is that radioactive?" inquired Mahmood.

"Well it was working when we came down for dinner" Ishmael confirmed.

Mahmood was perplexed : He'd never heard of a Blue Diamond as a substitute for Red Mercury : "Tell me, have you brought a brief case with you?"

"Well yes, I keep my camera and all our papers in it, why do you ask?"

At this point Mahmood touched his left ear which, unknown to the Kahn's, released the most chilling terrorist organisation known to present day London residents ; The News of the World Scoop Team.

It comprised Lucy Panton, the Lois Lane of London and with her 250 000 of Scotland Yard's finest who stormed the table in the lobby and arrested the Kahn's for : "Carrying a briefcase while on a Blue Diamond Package".

This carries a sentence of the death penalty, depending upon which country the trial is heard in, life imprisonment or a fine not to exceed 1500 squid.

The Kahns were promptly placed in the back of a police van and whisked off to the Yard. One bit of good news is that on the way they saw a Fathers4Justice protest. Superman was swinging on an electrical pylon, Batman was mooning passersby, Spiderman was vomiting into some shrubs. This was tainted by the policeman driving the van screaming at the Kahns : "We won't tolerate lunatics in this country!!"

Finally they arrived at Scotland Yard where they were seperated. Ishmael shared a cell with fox hunt protestors who spent the whole night screaming : "We'll kill every city dweller, watch and see if we don't!!"

In the meanwhile the terrorists known only as News of the World Scoop Team had returned to base. They immediately set out to verify their facts by calling Sky News, the BBC and ITV's news channel. They figured that if these were terrorists someones bound to kick up a stink when they see the news.

Around midday the Saudi ambassador contacts the British government to ascertain whether Britain really believes that Professor Ishmael Kahn, head of cardiac surgery at Riyadh Memorial Hospital, is a terrorist. David Blunkett, Home Secretary fields this one : "I haven't seen the papers yet but I must say it does sound odd - News of the World you say, I'll release them immediately".

The only other eventful part of the trip is the world speed record set by Ishmael and Alia Kahn in getting from the police station to the airport. News of the World's Mazher Mahmood was furious, claiming that the brief case is clear proof of a dirty bomb. Apparently Mr Mahmood is a Millwall supporter ....but I digress.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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