A new study published today shows that cuts in carbon emissions are responsible for the worst winter in over 30 years.
Professor Watson from Bognor Rigis Univerity said that the findings were the result of a 10 year study. He explained; "During the last century the world would have been entering a mini ice age, but the increased use of carbon rich fuels has managed to offset that problem. We analysed data from plant cells and found significant increases in many of the scientific indicators of climate change we were paid to find. We didn't even have to make any of the data up.
In some ways it is disappointing, but we have to admit now that burning carbon rich fuels has actually been good for the climate and indirectly for us too.
When Top Gear presenter Jeremey Clarkson heard the news he was reacted with typical candour; "To put it bluntly - as a direct result of cutting back on the use of fossil fuels, we are now freezing our bollocks off. I'm off to shoot some more penguins for the indoor barbeque". With that he trudged through the blizzard to find the nearest 4x4 City car.