Gordon Brown today confirmed what everyone already suspected. This Labour Government has run out of gas.
"There's not much left and the forecast is looking very gloomy" said the troubled PM.
Things have got so bad that Lord Mandy Stalin has been brought back yet again in a bid to save the nation. The rehabilitation of Mandy Stalin clearly ignores history. We should not forget how millions disappeared during the great purge, only to surface in his bank account in time to pay for his mortgage.
Around Britain the economic climate has caused chaos. With forecasters predicting another Alistair Darling budget later this year there appears to be no hope of an end to the crisis.
John Prescott is thought to be preparing a shock comeback as PM. On hearing about the gas shortage he announced "I can categorically and completely declare a declarification that gaseous gas of a gassy type not dissimilar to methane is in absolute plentiful supply within my personage."
He promptly let one go to prove that one politician is still full of gas.