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Tuesday, 5 January 2010

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The discovery of a journal in a London trunk has revealed many unknown facts about the whole Robin Hood legend. Historians and historical archaeologists are hurriedly reading through the pages and cross checking facts to determine what did happen in the lives of Robin of Locksley, Prince John, Maid Marian, and Alan A'Dale.

One of the first facts to come out concerns John Little, the basketball sized henchman of Robin Hood. For many years, it has been assumed that Robin changed the order of words in his name (to Little John) in reference to his huge size. Now we know that the names were reversed in order to make fun of his teenie weenie weinie.

Writings in the diary reveal that the word "Merry" at that time was used much as the word "Gay" is in ours. In other words, Robin Hood lived in the forest with a band of gay men. As most of them had grown up and gone to their local church, administered by Friar Tuck, we can see the origins of this life choice. Having men in their group with names like Will Scarlett (Scarlett was "the old pink") and Alan A'Dale (a singer) becomes more easily explainable when this fact is known.

Maid Marian is also mentioned in the diary, except we learn here that she was actually the maid (not a royal maiden) and that, as the Sheriff puts it, "she was hit with a face full of ugly." Robin Hood only came to desire the woman after the Sheriff locked a chastity belt on here and offered her as prize in an archery contest (some men will do anything to win a competition).

As more parts of this diary are transcribed into modern English and more facts are verified, researchers will make them known to the public.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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