Written by James Jameson
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Monday, 4 January 2010

image for Doctor Who leading the UK election polls
although there is no official word from the PM no one could blame him for being worried

The leaders of the 3 major parties in Britain were shocked today as a new poll finds them all trailing to the Time Lord Association aka the TLA are currently leading the polls with an astounding 48% with the Conservatives in second with 28% the Liberal Democrats narrowing the gap at 22% and the Labour party at 2% although many expect this number to fall dramatically over the coming weeks.

Many attribute the TLAs confidence due to their catchy slogan "Time Lords-we've seen the future now lets improve the present" and the fact that they have actually travelled into the future and have started to tell people that they have won.

Although the TLA is a fairly new party, the Time Lords themselves are fairly well known and have followers all over the world however they do not want people to think they are merely a celebrity party. Their leader "The Doctor" had this to say:

"The TLA is not just a group of publicity hungry celebrities, we are running based on a strong environmental platform based on green economic change and the idea that if we mess up we can pop in our TARDIS and do it all over again. We believe that with imagination and ingenuity any rubbish can be turned into a work of art or something wonderful...except that is, the Labour manifesto...thats just awful."

When asked what inspired him to run for public office the Doctor responded:

"Well, after that episode when the Master became Prime Minister, I thought to myself-I could do that and I shall do that...only without all the killings and stuff. I am virtually assination proof as I can just regenerate as well-thats gotta be a bonus right?"

One problem bothering many people is the fact that the Doctor is not infact a British citizen when I raised this issue the Doctor responded "to be fair, I have spent so much time in Britain I feel at home here-especially since my actual home no longer exists...no, I don't think this is a real issue."

The shocking news has sent party officials sending out press releases of their own. A spokesperson for the Conservative party wrote "clearly, the TLA is stealing traditional Conservative Party ideas-everyone knows that time travel has been a staple of the Conservative party since the days of Mrs Thatcher. We are not fooled, the British people will not be fooled."

The Liberal Democrats were next saying that while they have no respect for the TLA nor its "spin over substance" brand of politics, they would consider an alliance with them in the event of a hung Parliament as frankly they are just desperate to be in some sort of power.

The BNP spouted off something about the Doctor being an illegal asylum seeker but no one took much notice.

"Its all very well and good" said one member of UKIP "but will this Doctor bring us into some beaurocratic interglactic superstate?"

As for the Labour party, while no official statement has been sent out, this is a leaked memo between two senior members of the Cabinet "well I mean who cares? We've got no chance-probably never see power again in all honesty. At least that twat Cameron wont be in-it'll be good to see his face eh? Anyways mate, off down the pub?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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