Written by LisaPisa
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Sunday, 3 January 2010

image for London Bridge is Falling Down
You're going down, Bridge!

Unconfirmed reports have predicted the collapse of one of London's most legendary constructions.

Groups of local human children have been spreading rumours about the imminent destruction of London Bridge.

"London Bridge is falling down,
Falling down, falling down.
London Bridge is falling down,
My fair lady
", sang little Billy on his way home from school.

His mother immediately took him to the local police station and reported the incident. The Prime Minister put on his most ill-fitting suit and rushed to Billy's house to confer with the lad.

Several other children ran about in circles repeating the mantra. Al-Quaeda are probably involved. And the ghost of Saddam Hussein. And that fella with the bombs in his underpants.

Experts interrogated the little bastards with water torture (non-lethal) and spanking (naughty and occasionally erotic for the torturer). They eventually got the rest of the information out of the little cunts:

"Build it up with iron bars,
Iron bars, iron bars,
Build it up with iron bars,
My fair lady.

Iron bars will bend and break,
Bend and break, bend and break,
Iron bars will bend and break,
My fair lady.

Build it up with gold and silver,
Gold and silver, gold and silver,
Build it up with gold and silver,
My fair lady. "

What does it all mean? Who knows?

The 'fair lady' could be Maggie Thatcher - who is known as being extremely fair and nice. But she's half-dead so it could be Holly Willoughby off X-Factor instead.

Iron bars are shite.

They 'bend and break' according to the predictions. That new worlds tallest building is probably doomed.

So the country must rebuilt the bastard thing with gold and silver. People have been asked to contribute their wedding rings, silver dinner sets, nipple rings and any gold Christmas presents to the government contractors who will commence construction as soon as they are bothered.

"We must act quickly before the children start talking more shite", said a man waking a dog, "I though I heard one of 'em saying something the other day about a 'hickory-dickory-clock' - which is probably to do with a timing device of a bomb. Or something"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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