Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Cheryl Cole

Friday, 1 January 2010

image for Cheryl Cole mouldy pantyliner found in Mossad safe house
Cheryl is to be the official face of TennerLady PantyPads

London - (Gussets): "Basically, the smell is so mood-altering it turns ordinary radicalised nutjobs into flippin suicide bomber fanatics!" a Special Branch forensics expert commented today

The statement follows the discovery of droplets of Ms Tweedy's DNA, traced to flopped underpants bomber Umar Farouq Abdulmutallab's Chelsea trophy room.

The top secret Mossad crack den, er...safe house! - located at 25 The Gables, London SW3, was originally a KGB casino before the Halloween 2007 Litvinenko Plutonium-210 poisoning business.

Now a New year's Eve raid on the premises has resulted in Z-lister celeb and wannabe diva Our Cheryl being probed by a Special Branch crack team.

Codenamed Agent C-Difficile Cheryl's grooming activities of bewildered, celibate foreign chaps high on qat and martyrdom fantasies were initially ignored by British Intelligence.

"That's because Forensics originally mistook a vital encrypted microdot on the used TennerLady PantyPad for just another cryptosporidium blob," Det Supt Jim B Ergerac said today.

A specialist undercover MI5 team is believed to be in Yemen where Abdulmutallab has boasted a fanatic cell of 'up to 25' chums have all sniffed Ms Tweedy's used sanitary wear.

"Funny thing is quite a few of them only ever got really excited by Eau de Ashley Cole Armpit," Ergerac added.

"But hey! That's a marketing secret to keep under your dishdasha!

"We don't want to see it launched in these former British colonies where the majority of foreign johnnies only wash once a year, and under duress!"

Cheryl's eclectic 2008 memoir Dreams that (Gary) Glitter - Our Story, was remaindered after just two days.

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