Written by Rebut
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Topics: Parliament, Building

Wednesday, 15 September 2004

image for Wee Jock Poo Pong McPlop In It
It's a mess but nothing a few million squid won't fix

The man who used to clean the toilets at Aberdeen station, Wee Jock Poo Pong Mcplop is in it up to his eyeballs. He is the joker responsible for the cost overruns involved in the building of the Scottish Parliament at Holyrood. Great shame too what with Jock having made it big enough to buy a great big turnip in the country.

Wee Jock who has an office at Holyrood with a great view of the Speakers parking bay, was unrepentant.
"I took a number of quotes from reputable construction companies for the building of Holyrood. Just one caught my eye. It was from a firm called Parliaments R Us and it was for, wait for this 49 pounds and 23 pence all inclusive".

"Without even waiting for official sanction I told 'em to report Monday and start building. Sweet as a nut! It reminded me of the joy of running a toilet then going public. Then the shit hit the proverbial. The first account I got was for 92 million pounds which was slightly over budget. So I called in the foreman".

"Hamish McBigasabrickshithouse was not happy to be called off site and warned me that this better be good. So I told him that I could not present an interim account of 92m on a quote of 49 squid. He explained to me that the 49 pounds quote was the cost of the quote. The building was slightly more."

"McBigasabrickshithouse went on to explain that if the parliament wanted luxury items it would have to pay for them. These included floors, walls, doors, windows, ceilings and the like. So I asked him how much did he think the Scottish people would be prepared to pay for this? Did he think the treasury had unlimited funds for confidence tricksters to pull a stunt like this? I told him where he could stuff his bill and his company."

"He took it very well. The day after I was released from hospital and back eating solids, I returned to the site. Parliaments R Us were still there. I was ready for them this time. I took the baseball bat out of my car and made my way to McBigasabrickshithouse. Told him straight : 'Not so tough this time you dickhead".

"He took it very well. The day I was released from hospital they advised me that I'd have to live with the baseball bat permanently because it was too dangerous to try and remove it from my intestines. Didn't stop me from going back to the building site".

"Lo and his cousin behold, they told me that Parliaments R Us were paid a million squid and thrown out. They were replaced by a reputable firm Crony, Cronier, Croniest Inc. At present rate Scotland will have the first Trillion Pound builing in the U.K. I missed Hamish...with every bullet so far!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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