Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 30 December 2009

image for Undertakers convoy surrounds Sandringham Estate
Thursday night's lunar eclipse occurs close to her Death Star ascendant

Norfolk - (Pie In The Sky!): Up to two hundred immaculately polished hearse limos are parked lying in wait within a half mile radius of Sandringham House.

The convoy has massed in expectation of a local funerary industry 'happy event' predicted by astrologers to occur hot on the heels of the New Year's Eve lunar eclipse.

The Blue Moon lunation - so called because it is the second full moon to occur this month and the first partial lunar eclipse to fall on New Year's Eve since 1990 - has envigorated Norfolk's funeral direction business like no other long awaited event.

The convoy began massing soon after an astrology advice column in local undertakers' Dead Norfolk Broads-R-Us quarterly magazine warned the Cancer occultation occurs dangerously close to the legendary Death Star.

This features prominently in Queen Elizabeth's chart and was in its ascendancy the night Diana became a DUI statistic in August 1997.

Back in London a furious Hellfire Club counterintelligence surge has dismissed ephemerical alignments for New Year's Day as dangerous republican pie-in-the-sky.

But their bookmaker pals have closed off all bets on Old Fatty Ratzinger's sudden demise this weekend, maybe following an insider tipoff about 'arsenic and old plaice'.

"Of course, she might be planning to top old Phil instead," local crematorium directors Ash Brothers & Co commented today.

"Either way we're taking no chances and are first in the queue should anything happen."

The convoy has caused a massive tailback all the way to the A164 and seriously delayed the Hogmanay Piper from the Death Watch Beetle Regiment, traditional New Year herald at the Sandringham Estate.

A spokesman from Norfolk Constabulary said today:

"WTF?"

Hitler's daughter was born on 1 January 1930.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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