Written by Mark Merton
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Sunday, 27 December 2009

image for The Queen's Christmas Speech to be scrapped
"I can even whistle, you know"

According to a research jointly carried out by Oxford and Cambridge Universities the Queen's Christmas speech on TV is watched by 56% of the adult population in the UK but remembered only by 3% after the Boxing Day. The proportion of people giving some credit to what the Queen says in her speech fluctuates around 1% and never exceeds 1.6%.

The Broadcasting Authority is expected to declare the annual Queen Speech a total waste of air-time and possibly an insult to human intelligence as almost everyone knows that she doesn't mean what she says and that it wouldn't matter a bit even if she would mean it.

A spokesman for the Buckingham Palace said that the Queen was reviewing her role as an annual speech-maker on TV and in the light of the findings of the research she might replace her speech next year by a mini whistle concert. She would whistle a well known melody for a few minutes to have a more meaningful impact on the mind of her subjects.

It is known that the Queen is a keen whistler and that she likes whistling to her corgis and to the Duke of Edinburgh when she feels happy for them. A private whistle coach would be called in next September to prepare the Queen for her Christmas address.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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