Written by Bob Muppet
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Topics: Christmas

Monday, 21 December 2009

image for Tiger Wood's Beer Goggles guarantee a Moose - free Christmas
Beer Goggles Undergo Extensive Field-Trials

Tiger Woods, the world famous sex-god announced today, that he had ended the partygoer's nightmare of 'how did the moose get into my bed' with his invention of anti-beer goggles.

Hung-over revellers have long been puzzled by the mystery of how the gorgeous babe they bedded in the midnight hour, turns into the moose-from-hell, at the break of dawn.

This problem, however, has been solved by a team of top scientists at the Amy Winehouse Alcohol Academy who discovered a phenomenon called 'beer-glass-vision' which occurs when 20 units of alcohol are drunk.

Using this data, Tiger devised a pair of goggles that counter the effect of alcohol and allow the wearer to see females as they really are, irrespective of how much alcohol they have consumed.

The anti-moose beer goggles are now at the top of every randy-reveller's Christmas wish list because Tiger's exhaustive field trials have proven that they actually work.

Not all groups are pleased with the goggles, however, since it has become virtually impossible for ugly British women to find a partner.

The neglect suffered by moose-like women has become so acute that Harriet Harman, the minister for equality has been brought in to solve the problem.

Harman told representatives from the Ugly, Black and Gay Association that she will make it illegal for a British male to refuse to have a relationship with an ugly woman, in the same way that it is now illegal to give a job to a white male when there are women or black males available.

Rumours that a batch of anti-moose beer glasses had been tampered with by ugly Al Qaeda terrorists were strongly denied by Tiger Woods, although as a precaution, he advised that they should only be purchased through recognised outlets.

Tiger also provided references from an extensive collection of beautiful women who had helped him in his field trials, although he admitted that he was still having difficulty in persuading his wife that he only slept with these women to prove that his anti-beer goggles really worked.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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