I'm a Celeb contest winner and Iceland spokesperson Kerry Katona went round the bend yesterday when notified she'd be losing her $1.5M mansion for lack of mortgage payments.
U-Tube clips showed the former celebrity falling off the wagon on her hands and knees trying to stuff London's 4" snow fall up her ravaged nostrils in an attempt to clear her head.
Seeing the sorry state of affairs, Spoof Editor Mark Lowton took pity on the the Mother of Four, and offered room and board and two meals a day, and a trial run as Assistant Forum Editor.
"No pay really,' said Lowton wiping some cheesewiz off his jowls, "but the girl needs to feel wanted and to regain her sense of worth. Putting her on the Forum interacting with our Humanitarian Writers, will put her right, I'm sure!"
Katona's only other choice was to go back on the dole and be forced to live in a $2,000 per week furnished townhouse that only offered a 4 car garage, way to small to house the classic car collection the silly twit bought for her husband.
In order to accommodate his new protege, in fact his only protege, Lowton said he would experiment with a new Forum Division, simply called "THE RANT."
"This should get the poor girl off to an easy start...don't want to offend her sensibilities too early on, ya know...I'm sure she'll have to brush up on her history a wee bit...we do have a few revisionists on board at The Spoof, but I'm sure she'll set them right in no time!"
An inside Spoof Source revealed that Lowton's largess wasn't all based on humanitarianism...."that cheap sod is getting reimbursed $10,500 a month for housing the cow, and another grant of $7000 a month for hiring the handicapped! Charity should begin at home," said the unidentified Spoofer," my residual checks have gone missing for the past 6 months!"
Skoob refused to be quoted for attribution as he was on his way to work.
"Life's a Bitch, innit?" he managed to mutter, in a humanitarian manner before rushing off.