Written by pleb
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Topics: Christmas, Santa

Saturday, 19 December 2009

image for Christmas Cancelled as Santa arrested for grooming kids
Paedo playing with himself in front of computer yesterday

In an early morning raid police officers from the North pole constabulary child protection squad have sensationally arrested Father Christmas.

A police spokesman stated "When we entered the premises we found Mr Claus sitting in front of his computer looking at lists of children, we believe he derives some sort of sick pleasure from categorising them into good kids and so called bad kids."

"On further Investigation we found several hundred thousand letters from children that had written to him, we believe this may be the worst case of child grooming ever recorded".

The letters reportedly contained the childrens home addresses and descriptions of safe routes into their homes. A particular favourite planned entrypoint seems to have been via the chimney while the parents were asleep.

It appears the relationship between the suspect and the children was based around his seedy promises of giving them gifts if they were "good little girls and boys" for him.

Sgt Suggs of the child protection squad stated
"We found a huge hoard of toys wrapped and ready to be delivered we believe he have stopped him just in time, in the nine years I have been in the department this is truly the most sickening thing I have ever seen"

This dangerous individual only came to the authorities attention because of the governments strict CRB checks that force all grown ups that have any interaction with children to register with the Criminal Records Bureau.

It is the default position for the Criminal Records Bureau to believe that any adult that wants to spend time around the annoying little proto-people is a child molester.

Suspicions arose when Mr Claus accidentally used different pseudonyms on his CRB form.

A CRB spokesman described how they became concerned with clerical mistakes on Mr Clauses CRB form

"When we noticed he called himself Mr S Claus, Father Christmas and even a Mr Chris Crinkle we red flagged him for investigation.

On arrival at his address we were immediately concerned as it was far from being the magical grotto he purported to live in, it was in fact a small bedsit overlooking a school playground. We then had no choice but to bring in the police".

Police are concerned that a new wave of vigilante attacks upon paediatricians and people with beards will follow this arrest.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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