Written by jeremy griffiths
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Saturday, 19 December 2009

image for Nursing crisis! Biscuit overload blamed.

The nursing profession was today in crisis after revelations that biscuit consumption has surpassed "danger" and is now at "crisis" level

In a report issued today, it has been revealed that the mean estimated hip size of nurses is now a worrying 65 inches compared to 49 inches in 1999.

Health chiefs are concerned that extra capacity will have to be made available on stairways, lifts and corridors, as nurses are now too big to fit in the wards.

The professional nurses association issued a carefully worded statement, "Whilst accepting that there may be health issues with the fuller figured nurse of today, we must point out that patients often prefer a nurse with a wider beam, as it reminds them of their mum, and is very comforting."

And on a more positive note,"Instances of sexual harassment of nurses is now almost a thing of the past, apart from the odd chubby chaser" the statement concluded.

Our reporter conducted her own quick poll of 200 nurses at Barchester General, 92% said that they prefered a nice packet of HobNobs to a "nice packet", the other 8% were mainly male nurses.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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