Former England football star Paul Gascoigne was this morning arrested for being drunk and disorderly.
He was found wandering the streets of Newcastle naked by police officers, who had been tipped off about 'a drunk naked man' who had been annoying residents of a quiet council estate.
"Wee wah joost maandin aar orn biznass, like", explained estate resident and 'victim' Carole Coal.
"Then wee seez Gaaz coomin oot ov soom booshes, like, and pissin aall avah wor froont daah en porch"
It is believed My Gascoigne had been drinking K-Cider, Stella Artois and even Babycham most of the morning.
More 'news' as we get it...or make it up.