Cheryl Cole has said "No" to a hopeful offer from Joe McElderry. Joe was left devastated when the Girls aloud singer said she didn't have time over Christmas to join forces with him to help fight Art Crime in the North East. She wouldn't even help Joe guard the Angel of the North.
Cheryl is the second girl in a week to turn this offer down. Katarina Frogpond (that's me) politely declined yesterday. She's got Christmas parties to go to, and a goldfish to take for walks.
"Goldfish can't take themselves for walks, you know" She said. But Katarina did have one final suggestion for Joe.
"Alan Shearer" she said. "He owes you one after you found his painting."
"I've already already asked him." Said Joe. "He said he didn't want to. He's one of my ultimate heroes and he doesn't want to help me either. What am I going to do Katarina."
"Look. Joe." Said Katarina. "I don't think anyone's going to want to help you guard the Angel of the North because they don't really think it needs guarding. Its a great big statue and noone believe its possibly for a little thing like Princess "Geordie McMaxwell" Eugenie, to steal such a big thing"
"You don't know her." Squealed Geordie Joe. "She's a master of crime. She could strike at any time"
"Joe. I promise you" Said Katarina. "That if anyone steals the Angel of the North over Christmas, I will personally join forces with you to get it back", but no one's going to steal it...are they?"
"Thank you Katarina. You've saved me a lot of hard work."
"Good. Now go be a popstar." Said Katarina.
"But a divent kna how? I'm frightened I'll get all corrupted by people like George Michael and Robbie Williams. I diven't wanna end up Like Pete Doherty, ya kna." He said
"You won't. Not if you just go about imagining you're Peter Andre" Said Katarina. "That way you'll be too miserable to have fun"
"Nice one, Trina, that's exactly what I'll do. But I need your phone number, just so I can let you know if the Angel get stolen."
"Em" Lied Katarina. "I don't have one...
"Can I have your e-mail address"
"Em, No. You can't have that either."
"Are you on Facebook."
"Go away Joe, or I'll have to report you for being a stalker. NOW"
By Katarina Frogpond.