Local kebab shop proprietor, Ali Bullo, today declared to the world that serving Katie Price a portion was the best career move he'd ever made, even though he he only served her a chicken shish with garlic sauce and a side salad.
Ali Bullo insists that he did not at any point serve the balloon breasted prima donna in the back of a friend's taxi with a 'portion' in the traditional English Saturday night out meaning.
"That was my brother," Ali Bullo told us. "Him serve portion to any old slapdog. I never let him use my taxi, is bad for suspension. Him giving proper portion to Sally Slapperooni from Sixskins Avenue. Taxi - it bouncing like clappers! Is no good. She not even on meter!"
Which left us slightly confused.
"Is simple really," Polish hired help and part time kebab cutter Avalav Ordie told us. "Jordan pull up in car as Ali Bullo's brother is breaking taxi suspension with Sally da slapper, and Ali think it two bald headed guys. Is not. Is just Jordan. Then paparazzi close in. Is good for business, yes?"
After posing for pictures with the tupperware breasted sex Goddess, we asked Ali Bullo for further comment but he was too preoccupied with getting sloppy seconds from Sally Slapparooni to bother with us.
The taxi's suspension was described as "totally fucked" by some guy lining up for a doner, so we went home.
More as we get it. (Providing it doesn't involve long hours and loose women. And kebabs.)