Written by Nick Hobbs
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Friday, 11 December 2009

image for Cannibal Inadvertently Eats Own Hand
Are you Mr Triggs?

A cannibal has today inadvertently, and inappropriately, eaten his own left hand.

Edgar Triggs was in court, over the alledged offence of consuming his neighbour Cyril Betts, 84, for letting his cat defecate in the Oxford man's garden, when the incident occurred.

Sitting in the dock while the jury considered it's verdict, Mr Triggs began biting his nails in anticipation.

LeRoy Del Huggins, witness, said "The defendent just started biting away, and within about five minutes he was halfway down his left index finger."

At that point it is alleged Triggs began a 'feeding frenzy' of gnawing and chewing until all that was left was a bloodied stump where his hand used to be.

"It was like a beaver gnawing a log," said Huggins, "he only stopped when Judge Ganglion banged his gavel!"

After receiving basic medical attention, Triggs was finally found guilty and sentenced to three hours community service and 'a right ticking off'.

Triggs is to release his own branded cooking sauces next week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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