Written by pleb
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Topics: Tiger Woods

Thursday, 10 December 2009

image for Shock! Woman hasnt slept with Tiger claim!
Tigers endorsement deals yesterday

In a shock announcement last night a woman has stepped forward and claimed to have never had sex with Tiger Woods.

The news has stunned all who have watched the Tiger Woods story from the start, as day by day the numbers of women admitting to have slept with him have continued to increase exponentially.

But despite all indications to the contrary, a rumour continued to dog Tiger that someone, somewhere, may actually have not had an affair with the middle aged ball slapper.

In a late night press conference held in a secret location in Sidcup, Kent. Max Clifford Press agent to the stars, calmly released the details of the mystery woman to the assembled press.

Max stated
"There has been increasing speculation that there was in fact a woman on the face of the planet that Tiger had not managed to sleep with. The growing pressure from the press has finally forced my client Mrs Claire Broughton to step forward as that woman!

My client has remained silent up until now to protect her family but the final straw came when Mrs broughton was informed that a Sunday Tabloid paper had found out that she had never even met Tiger Woods and was planning to publish a story containing all the lurid details of their non-affair".

As the international press watched, Mrs Claire broughton broke down and said
"I had to take action at that point, I'm sorry for all the shame I have brought to my family. I just hope my husband can find it in his heart to forgive me"

When asked why nothing had happened Mrs Broughton stated

"I guess its partly that we have never even been in the same country as each other, but If I'm honest I'd have to say it boils down to Tigers total lack of charisma, added to the fact he is not actually attractive and of course he does dress in golfing slacks which shows he has a totally average physique only slightly better than a middle aged businessman."

Just when things seemed like they couldn't get any worse for Tiger this shock revelation may well finish off any hope for his faltering marriage, as his defence to his wife that
"Its not my fault all white bi-atches find me irresistible" now seem to not hold water.

When asked about the British womans claims Tiger Woods press agent stated
"We are looking into these claims and find the allegations Mrs Broughton makes quite ridiculous, Tiger Woods is an amazingly handsome, brave and rugged athlete doing the most interesting and important job on the planet, I mean come on dude he's a black guy that plays golf!
If any of these womans claims are true it would mean that all the women that had slept with him including his wife, only did it because of his huge swollen bank account. I think we all know that is just a load of shizzzle"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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