Known to his friends as Fludger, Fulton Farnsworth Fludge was a prominent figure in Yorkshire sporting circles. He played cricket, usually at the lowest possible, as well as 23rd division Sunday morning football. His mediocre talents were spread across numerous teams, all of whom tried very hard to get him to join their club.
His talents were more in the social rather than the sporting arena. Fludger was an accomplished Saturday Night Specialist. He led the drinking and visits to Indian restaurants with a passion and vigor second to none. It was not unknown for him to down 15 -20 pints of a variety of real ales, follow them with rum or whisky chasers, and then consume a vindaloo.
Fludge was no stranger to his local job centre; he found it difficult to hold on to a job for more than a few months at a time. He lived in a small council flat in Bradford where, it was later found out, he spent his time attempting to write poetry in his brief moments of mental clarity. He specialised in his own individual version of the Japanese Haiku, which he applied to the local social and industrial society. The seminal work associated with Fludge is his classic series of five haikus entitled A Saturday Night Out In Bradford.
Fulton Fludge died early last Sunday morning in tragic circumstances, at the premature age of 45. He'd been out drinking copious amounts of beer and spirits and had ill-advisedly followed this with a nuclear strength curry. The next morning while on the toilet his arse exploded, taking him to the next world. R.I.P. Fulton Farnsworth Fludge.