(Defecated News) Some call it cynical electioneering, other call it genius. Whatever people think of it, one thing is certain - it will be passed as law by very soon.
As of next week, people considered by the governenment to be 'fucking munters' will be taxed an average of £900 per person per year on top of their current contributions.
The deduction, to be called 'Dirty Ming Tax' or DMT, will be taken from employees prior to their salaries. Employers will have to use the 'ten point guide' to ascertain who in their organisation 'has a face like a slapped baboon's arse'.
The ten points include:
> Do they have eyes too close together, or crossed?
> Do they get stringy spit between their lips when they talk?
> Do most of their colleagues hate them and avoid being seen with them in public?
The funds raised for DMT will be used to fill the gaping chasm of debt faced by the country since 'greedy fucker' bankers fucked over the world, and 'stupid fuckers' borrowed too much for their houses and then fucked up.