Written by Rebut
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Tuesday, 31 August 2004

I would like to start off by saying that as a measure of my regard for Wayne Rooney no attempt at humour will be made. Wayne is a credit to us all. He has shown loyalty to Everton, Colleen and everything else that has touched his young life. He has everything it takes to become a full blown Man Yoo.

Wayne grew up in East Liverpool in what the locals still refer to as 'The Big White House'. Local hookers still refer to Wayne as 'The Big White Payday'. Wayne's favourite was Sheila who he refers to as 'she who must be oh paid'.

Wayne is so brilliant that even while he was still at De La Salle School he was already in the Everton first team squad....but then so were a whole heap of other nowhere mans that...but I digress.....

Wayne is Everton's youngest ever scorer and England's youngest ever scorer. Robyn Lawson who was in charge of the brothel at the time says she had absolutely no way of knowing he was under age.

Wayne has been described as the new "Pele". The similarities, for those who haven't picked them up yet are as follows : Both breathe, both have hair on their bodies and both eat food. As a treat we are hoping to get Pele's boots so we can forward them to Wayne - perhaps he'd like to lick them occasionaly. That's subject to Sir Alex not tossing 'em at him.

Perhaps as a treat for small boys Man Yoo can have an Alan Smith & Wayne Rooney Day. The two can then speak to youngsters on hometwown loyalty and why when you kiss the badge you are actually wiping your nose.

Of course we must also spare a thought for the young Rooney. Very shortly he will be changing with the man with a thousand faces, none of them pleasent. Young Roy Keane who demonstrated to the Republic of Ireland the meaning of the term loyalty.

Next to him will be 'The Thang that came from the swamps'. Picture a man who looks like a Troll, walking towards his destiny in .......The Twilight Zone. Then they show you Silvestre warming up. "Dear Mother of Mary NO!! Was it scarred as a child?" Be still it's Silvestre and it is good. Then Sir Alex flings a chop for it to chase. "HELL NO WE WON'T GO!!!"

Mind you he's a looker next to Luke Chadwick who sadly, will form the subject of very little comic matter in the future. We hope that Wayne still gets together with Luke Hyuk Hyuk and Silvestre.

Man Yoo, Man Yoo when there's always something there to remind us.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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