Written by Rebut
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Topics: Earth, Dinosaurs

Monday, 30 August 2004

image for Man Yoo Nearly Extinct
"The little boy in red come in please..."

65 million years ago during what Palaeontologists term the Late Cretaceous, Dinosaurs ruled the Earth. Yes it was the era of the T-rex, Anatotitan and Torosauras. It was also the first sighting of the Man Yoo.

Man Yoo's were bird-like creatures found everywhere except in what we today know as Manchester, England. Bird-like here is possibly the first ever reference to "like girls".

These irritants would roam the planet annoying everything in sight with their claims of being "the bringers of the Sun". They seemed to have a knack of getting under everyone's skin or fur but were ignored just in case they were right....

A particularly obnoxious form of Man Yoo was the Siralexfergusonasorepus which chewed incessantly. It used to feed off a T-rex, picking ticks day and night, night and day until the poor Dinosaur would tell it to ssssssssoooooooooodddddoooffffffff an' all.

Then one eventful day 65 million years ago, on a Bank Holiday, an asteroid landed in Yucatan, Mexico. Within a matter of days mud and dust clouds blotted out the Sun, the Earth froze, volcanoes erupted. The rest of the planet was sunny and mild. There are no gale warnings I repeat no gale warnings.

The Man Yoo season was turning decidedly sour. Immediately it implemented a cunning plan that it's descendants would reproduce for all eternity - It backed another horse : "When we said bringer of the Sun that meant neswpaper deliveries but there aren't any, so what the chairman of the Man Yoo Restorter To A Club meant was bringer of the water, is there a water shortage now that you're asking?"

The Man Yoo concerned Ficklus Wankus was stoned to death by the Late Cretaceous 7th Day Nodentists. His blood running red like the Chicago River before Dave Matthews Band crapped in it...but I digress.

The red of Ol' Ficklus' blood would forever be the colour of the Man Yoo and remind followers of some forgotten corner of England, save for the City of Manchester, that is forever Man Yoo.

65 million years on and the same characteristics which we found during the day of the Dinosaur are still applicable to your modern Man Yoo.

Firstly Man Yoo's are still found worldwide but never in the city of Manchester, England. Secondly they are full of their own importance. "A treble this season, nothing less than that, is acceptable". Some say that's because they're full of something..Thirdly, like the Man Yoo's of the Disonaurs this mob have very selective memories.

During a successful season or during pre-season it is hard to go anywhere without the millions of Man Yoo's everywhere. Show your daughter : "See all the pretty red shirted Man Yoo's fa la la la la la la.."

Then like a Rock of Yucatan, a 0-0 draw with Everton sees them adrift at 12th in the Premiership. Immediately as if by some miracle the planet can't seem to locate a Man Yoo anywhere.

We seek them here, we seek them there but everywhere we look it's Charlton supporters. "Yer, I occasionaly look for United's results but I'm a Charlton supporter me, so you can just give some other git the business".

A world once red with Man Yoo's, see all the pretty Man Yoo's, suddenly can't even buy one. You walk up to a known Man Yoo (declared as such in good times) and say : "Hey what's happening Man Yoo?"

And then.....65 million years of breeding...come rushing to it's rescue : "Can't help you mate I'm a rugby fan me, how about them Harlem Globetrotters eh?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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