The diplomatic storm surrounding the kidnapping of the Firkin family from Norwich as they went for a sailing trip off the Horn Of Africa continues to rage unabated.
The kidnappers are demanding $3.5 million US for the safe release of the Firkins, but Britain, apparently is not playing ball.
"We will never accede to kidnappers demands," some bloke in a suit told us today. "We could play that game ourselves if we wanted to do so. We could kidnap millions of people for ransom and wipe out the recession at a stroke. But we don't, because we're jolly well not that way inclined."
A video, depicting Fred Firkin pleading for his life and begging PM Gordon Brown to help his family, whilst having AK47's prodded in his general direction was today screened on British TV news.
Labour MP for Oopnorth-West, Derek "Degsy" Gruffman told the Spoof:
"The government won't pay to get the Firkins out of the shit. They've dug a hole for themselves and they're going to have to lie in it. Even if it is damp. These people must be bloody stupid beyond belief. Hi-ho we'll go for a pleasure trip off the coast of Somalia. Whose bright idea was that one? If you ask me they're just a bunch of twats."
More as we get it.