A local man, long regarded as an idiot by neighbours was today subjected to a vicious assault after he attempted to bite a pit bull terrier at his local supermarket.
Damian Hogan,51, was set upon by irate locals after launching a sustained and violent attack on the dog. He was taken to one side and beaten mercilessly until he lost consciousness, and local busybody Ethel Le Neve stepped in to intervene.
"I just heard that he'd tried to bite the dog," Miss Le Neve told us. "Poor dog didn't deserve that, but then some of the young uns set about him and battered him senseless while the dog set about mauling a child in a stroller. Luckily, no harm was done"
"It was fortunate that them all come ouder this unscathed," Detective Superintendent Buzzbuzz Wernitt told us. "This could ave ad traaaagic consequences. Owever, the true, proper an amazin thing wuz that the Hogan feller woke up arfter a proper slappin' and im was just as barstad idiotic as him was before he got a roight kickin innit."
It would appear that some people never learn.
More as we get it.