London, Friday (Associated Mess) - UK Prime Minister Tony Blair and his wife Cherry Bush were unavailable for comment at their Italian holiday villa this morning as the news broke that their eldest son Euan, 20, had been arrested in London by officers of SO13 Special Branch - along with radical Shiite cleric Shaikh Ali Abu Hamza - for attempting to overthrow his father's government during his absence abroad by poisoning the Queen and installing a republican puppet regime headed by Prince (sic) William.
In a dawn raid at premises formerly occupied by the Conservative Party Central Office in Jonathan Aitken Street, Westminister, officers seized young Blair and several unnamed accomplices, along with Abu Hamza and his long-term business partner Kevin Maxwell - whose father Robert Maxwell died in such unusual circumstances while on a nude midnight fishing trip for loan sharks in the Western Mediterranean in 1991.
Also seized were passports, bank account details, gold bullion bars left over from the 1983 Brinks Mat Heathrow heist, computers, AK47 machine guns and a large sack of £50 pound notes totalling approximately £57 million. SO13 officers said this may have been the proceeds of a charity fundraiser by Jeffrey Archer after the first Gulf War, destined for the Kurds of Northern Iraq as well as assorted Marsh Arabs loyal to Ahmad Chalabi bagman and Riggs Bank CEO Jonathan Bush, currently under investigation by the US Justice Department for laundering General Pinochet's $$$$$$$$$$$s and financing Mark Thatcher's logistical support for a different coup, in Equitorial Guinea.
Commenting on the raid, a police spokesman said young Blair had samples of a highly toxic fissile substance allegedly purchased from the Carole Caplin Longevity Emporium in Camden Town which he was about to administer to Her Majesty later that day in the form of a homeopathic suppository, while she was asleep at the Highland retreat at Balmoral. Also found were other lethal noxious contaminants believed to be derived from recipies in the Taleban Cookbook edited by Crawford University's Emeritius Professor of Moneylaundering Mary Archer.
The coup was successfully foiled after police received a tip-off that young Blair may have been trying initially to get a part-time summer job while on vacation from university with Tora Bora mercenaries Jonathan Idema, Brent Bennett and Edward Caraballo. Police believe that Idema's plea bargain with the Kabul prosecutors last week snared Blair in a sting that netted the plotters while Blair senior and his wife were keeping a low profile at the Pope's summer residence at Castelgandolfo, Italy.
The accused were led away for questioning and are believed to be held at Paddington maximum security police interrogation where they are being questioned under the Data Protection Act amendment to the UK's draconian anti-terrorism laws.