'Angry-but-pointless' Lib-Dem leader Nick Clegg announced today that the party was to undergo a complete relaunch in keeping with aims for the general election early next year.
"We in the Liberal Democrat Party always believe in echoing the views of the population, and responding to the demands put on us. We do not shy away from challenges, and in response to the polls, we have no choice but to have our new logo represent us as a party, and our chances of doing something important for this country - shit."
The speech was made to the party faithful. All registered members attended, more than doubling the total from last years AGM from 126 to 289.
Mr Clegg added, "People say I am a shit leader, our policies are crap, and that Menzies 'Ming' Campbell's underpants have skid marks - it's our destiny to dive into bum-fudge."
Sandi Toksvig refused to comment.