Written by Nick Hobbs
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Thursday, 26 November 2009

image for Womble Faces Murder Charge.
Is there a body in here? Orinico knows.

Orinoco, the sleep loving Womble from Wimbledon Common, has been arrested and detained on suspicion of murder, after failing a routine drink driving test.

The pointy nosed litter picker was stopped just outside Epping forest for driving erratically. He was asked to give a breath test but put up some resistance.

"There was a bit of aggro, to'ing and fro'ing from the Womble, but he eventually gave in and did the test," said PC Rintintin, arresting officer.

"He was about five times over the limit, so we took him in, right then and there," he continued.

"I had noticed a fair amount of soil on his feet," said PC Gallbladder, Rintintin's partner (but not in a gay way), "and upon searching his vehicle we found a freshly used shovel and some blood-stained rope, duct tape and a pry-bar with what looked like clumps of hair on!"

The officers took the suspect in and began an interrogation.

"At this time the suspect is saying nothing," says Rintintin, "he just looks at us with those beady little eyes, twitching his snout. We'll break him though. Five minutes alone."

Police are searching the area around Epping forest for any freshly disturbed soil. They are also checking for any new missing person's in the area.

Councillor Terry Andjune told us "the profile of the Wombles has sunk so low in this area just recently, they used to be so helpful, tidying up and keeping themselves to themselves. But recently they have been linked to a number of robberies."

"They're often found stealing fuel from farmyard fuel tanks, and they've got a name for themselves ripping off old ladies by overcharging for half finished tarmacing and replacement guttering and fascia board jobs."

The councillor continued "It all began going wrong when they started living above ground in those caravans."

Great Uncle Bulgaria, the leader of the Wombles was unavaiable for comment. Although Tobermory and Tomsk told us to 'F@*k off' before we'd even set foot on their land.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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