It is reported that everyone's favourite unelected Lizard, Peter "Probe Me" Mandelson, is currently rubbing his grubby little hands with glee, as he anticipates a "well hung parliament" in mid 2009.
Mandelson, a closet carpet salesman is trying to push through legislation, whereby, from next year, all new male parliamentary recruits cannot enter parliament, unless they are all wearing bicycle shorts.
Insiders within parliament are getting ever more worried over his behaviour, and have nearly resorted in battering him with sticks, as he tries to rut everything and everyone. He was even caught trying to seduce the monument of Maggie Thatcher.
A well know parliamentary pisshead, Ken Somethingorother, told the Daily Sporran "Peter is virtually uncontrollable. He's too excited about next year's intake. He doesn't really care about the outcome..he's just thinking about all the new boy flesh. It's getting quite embarrassing. He once tried to mount a dog. I think for everyone's safety, he should either be neutered, or let loose in an all boys school..either or, really."