Written by Eurocleese De Zouch
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Monday, 23 November 2009

image for Illegal Immigrant Found Inside Flat-Pack Furniture
Enough said..

As illegal immigrants become ever more desperate, in order to try and enter Britain, one lucky shopper got more than they bargained for, when they found a Swedish illegal immigrant crammed into packaging that contained a flat packed table, which was bought at an infamous hardware store.

Mrs Felch, a regular visitor to Ikea's Walton-On-The-Naze branch, was looking for a table that could go well with her husband. Her human swatch of a husband was towed around the store, in a little child's trailer, as his legs were made from ribbons.

Felch was recently interviewed by the Naze Gazette saying "I thought that the box was a bit heavy, but I initially thought that Ken was just getting all bendy, so I put it down to that".

She added..

"I opened the box up in my living room, and I was shocked to see a large man trapped inside it. Using the barking of various dogs as a manner of communication, I gathered that he was Swedish. Before I rang the Police to report this rapscallion, I ordered him to build the table, and then he had to abuse me on it, with my husband watching."

Essex Police report that the chap in question was called Lars Von Hoolstrull, the managing director of Ikea.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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