It is with great sadness that I can confirm Katie Price has left the jungle.
The bongo bosomed broad finally had enough of the trials set for her by the voting public.
Will she finally now understand that people don't like her very much? Will she finally realise that her publicist just made one hell of a mistake?
No, probably not. She will most likely believe it was through popularity and a desire to see her on screen, that she was picked for every trial going.
One thing is for sure though, she will be leaving a brief gap in all Spoof writers' lives. We can only hope that she takes time to reflect on the past week and then picks herself up and attempts to set out on the next publicly scrutinised journey of her media 'career'.
We'll all be here waiting, Jordan, to take the piss and laugh at your failings. Because we can. And because you allow us to. And because you make it so easy to. And for that, this reporter thanks you. From the bottom of my cold, dead heart.
Come back soon.