Written by Nick Hobbs
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Topics: Susan Boyle, JLS, escape

Saturday, 21 November 2009

image for The Great Escape 2009
The great escape, 2009 style.

After reports emerged that a fan of JLS (yes that's right they have one!) hid in their luggage to 'get closer to the band', a similar incident occured to another famed celebrity, only this time it wasn't to get closer.

Roger Clegg, sound engineer to Susan Boyle, attempted to escape the Scottish moose by sneaking in to a garbage sack in her dressing room.

"I've just had enough," said Clegg, 42 of Whitby, "if I hear 'I Dreamed A Dream' once more I'll do her an injury!"

The depressed soundman has worked under Boyles Hitleresque regime for a year. "We can't eat unless she say's we can, can't sleep unless she say's to, hell you can't even have a toilet break without pre-booking it!"

"I just saw the refuse bag there, waiting for collection, so I hopped in and held my breath."

Two children who had arrived to get Boyles autograph noticed the bag moving and alerted stewards, who uncovered the soundman and detained him.

Clegg is facing two years in a prison listening to 'I Dreamed A Dream' on repeat until he pee's his pants and promises never to do it again.

Before he was carted away Clegg said "I would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for those pesky kids."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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