Shock news today came through from Aberdeen where a tight-fisted Scotsman has been found very much alive in a pool of his own whiskey.
The name of the man is still unknown, but his family are said to be irate that he had not shared any of the liquid with them. As the Scotsman's brother told us: "Well, it's juist liy my bruyer Angus McGittish ti hold back on the grog fi thi resty us. I could kiyim." (We interpreted kiyim as 'kill him'.)
The whiskey in question is said to be a very cheap "McLoughlin's Glen" whiskey, known for its ability to destroy brain cells.