Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 19 November 2009

image for Local Man Injured Carrying Wardrobe
Ours Was White - But Bigger.

A local man, the son of a Dublin shellfish vendor was today seriously injured transporting a wardrobe purchased via internet trading site eBay from the Kangoo to the house.

Damian Hogan, 51 - of Portsmouth whined like a little bitch when his wife arrived home and asked him to help her transport the wardrobe from the vehicle to the house, because it interfered with his beer guzzling on his day off.

Hogan, who was operating under the misconception that his wife had gone out to buy a chest of drawers, eventually agreed to assist in the transfer of the bloody great big wardrobe into the house.

Sadly, while toting the huge piece of furniture towards the front door, Hogan was injured when his wife - who was assisting in the transfer - told him to "Stop!"

Hogan dutifully stopped, but his wife didn't, effectively and with extreme violence slamming the wardrobe into Hogan's shins.

To the consternation of the neighbours, Hogan then launched into a torrent of expletive ridden cursing, already being in a bad mood because Ireland got knocked out of the World Cup due to basketball playing cheat Thierry Henry.

Hogan calmed down after watching Coronation Street, suffering from slight bruising, and after sealing a compensation deal with his wife, who agreed to go and bring more beer.

This was not the first time that Hogan had been frustrated by his wife's eBay purchases. He once returned home following a purchase with his head jammed by a wonky door, once missed Ford Football Special on Sky Sports, and once bought some radiator covers that had to be customised to make them fit.

Hogan is expected to make a full recovery but is still a grumpy bastard by his own admission.

He told us:

"The fucking thing is in the bedroom now, stood in the middle of the floor. If I get up in the night for a piss, I'm bound to break a toe on the bastard great big hulking thing."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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