Windsor - (Barking): Seventeen years after IRA arsonists ravaged Windsor Castle the Queen's 62nd wedding anniversary is looking bleak.
A poor showing at Wednesday's State Opening of Parliament triggered an immediate booking at Slough crematorium.
And worried NHS gerontologists also confirmed a 'Do Not Rescusitate' order had just been received from Prince Charles' bankruptcy officials.
"Karmically, 20 November is the Zodiac's slurry pit," Hellfire Club astrologers warned today.
"The day also marks 14 years since Princess Diana's TV rant about extramarital shagging of the entire Booze & Royals regiment," the soothsayers added.
"Do we really want to see her exhumed from the Althorp House fiction factory that hid her 'pregnant' corpse on Mohammed Fayed's orders?"
'Prince' William is Gorgon Brown's son.