A large row erupted in Gordon Brown's Kirkaldy & Cowdenbeth constituency, after the local rag, The Bruiser Gazette discovered that Gordon Brown had been secretly deployed as a roving CCTV station on specific Saturday nights between April and December of 2008.
The 'paper alleges that Brown, 58, had his rogue eye replaced with a high-quality video camera. He would then prowl around town centres in his area, taking moving images of Pikeys and Chavs committing random acts of violence, which the Police could then use as evidence.
The camera initially only had a range of 100 metres, and local residents became suspicious as they wondered why he had a 300 foot cable trailing behind him, which linked into the local CCTV monitoring system. When questioned about it, Brown claimed that his favourite skipping rope had to follow him everywhere.
The Fife Constabulary's own figures show that during this period, crime shot up by 245%, but they decided to keep on using him "For a Laugh"..
Shami Chakrabati, the Director of Liberty said "This is an outrage... This is typical Labour. I would be horrified, until I tell you that the pair of Gloves I'm wearing include a Stun-Gun device, which can be used to shock anyone called Toby".