Written by Nick Hobbs

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Wednesday, 18 November 2009

image for Man's Head Found In Watercooler.
The water of life was not enough for one poor sod.

A man's head was found inside an office watercooler today. The unidentified male was later identified. Police have yet to release the identification of the male who has now been identified. Sources say they know who it is though.

How the head came to be in there is a mystery. Ethel Vladbach, 67, is a cleaner at the office in Tunbridge Wells and she said "I came in to work as normal and started my rounds. I was just vacuuming the main corridor, down towards the managers office, when I heard a bubbling sound."

Mrs Vladbach saw the head and began to scream. "AAAAIIIIIEEEE, I said, but I was on my own so no one really heard."

Officers who attended said "It was amazing, the head was just bobbing there in the bottle. No idea how it got in there, the bottle hadn't been tampered with and the head would never fit through the neck."

Police profilers are linking this crime to other similar cases recently, such as the fingers in a sealed tin of beans incident in Taunton and the feet in a packet of Quavers incident in Oxford.

The cashews in a nutsack incident in Croyden is not thought to be linked.

Jessica Fletcher has been called in to solve the case for Murder, She Wrote.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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