London - (Armagageddinouttahere!): A wannabe Labour councillor has flamed Hellfire Club predictions that the country's top parasite will drop dead this Wednesday.
Romford hopeful Peter White reckons a career forged on leeching taxpayer benefits is past its sell-by.
His comments have reignited Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg's hunch, as reported by queen mudder, that 'there's no point turning up Wednesday to the State Opening of the Can of Worms.'
"The old boot's gonna croak, chaps, maybe all over the Woolsack, hahaha. 'Bout bloody time too!"
Clegg's soothsaying comes exactly six years to the day since P2 Lodge grandmaster George W Bush's UK state visit.
This ensured some unfinished business would see his KGB aunty Mrs Ratzinger continue to perch on the IRA puppet throne.
Bush was handsomely rewarded with the gift of a royal peculiar in the form of the Puppet Monarch's Colombian cocaine franchise income.
The Commonwealth heads of disinformation conference may also have to be cancelled this month.