An attempt on the world record for worlds largest cupcake has hit "a bit of a problem" says event organiser Gordon Ramsay, 72.
"We had the mix, we had the paper cup, we even had the mixing equipment," he expunged whilst doing that thrusting thing he does with his hand, "but in the end I just forgot about the oven!"
The largest cupcake to date was baked in Wazzoo's Pâtisserie in Fungerton. Standing at 3 ft 9" it was always going to be tough to beat. This did not put off the craggy faced cook, 63, however.
"My plans, like my ego, are huge!" he mumbled, "if I don't (expletive) get my (expletive) way and these (expletive) producers don't (expletive) find me a (expletive) oven, I'll (expletive) staple their (expletive) heads to their (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) (expletive)!!" He then kicked a passing cat.
The plan was to mix flour, sugar, baking powder, pinch of salt, stir, milk, eggs, vanilla essence, stir again, put in lined tray, bake 350 degrees, done! The problem came on quantities.
"Because I don't like to (expletive) tell people how much of something to use, I caught myself out," said the white jacketed burger flipper, 58. "Initial projections suggest my cake would have stood about 63 feet high and weighed about 57 tonnes, uniced. Finding an oven to accommodate a cupcake of that magnitude is not easy," he warbled.
Reports that he is now looking at using Didcot power station for his record attempt are unconfirmed.