London - (Rotters): Mountbatten down the hatchets!
Yet another House of Windsor anal fistula is about to burst its putrid pus all over the unsuspecting British public this week.
And Wednesday's State Opening of the Can of Worms could be the big day.
The row is about Tory Central Orifice covering up a 1988 telephone call from Buckingham Palace.
This recommended David Cameron for his first postgraduate job.
And the face behind the phonecall's dulcet tones?
"It was Princess Diana," a Caesar's Palace source confirmed.
"She'd been grooming her little chickadee nephew David ever since he first gave Bullingdon Club stalwarts Boris Johnson and George Osborne their first Oxford blowjobs!"
"We blame the Euro-septic Tories that hid this crock of shit," an anti-terror branch apologist sighed.
Wednesday's Parliament freak show circus will be televised on BBC2.