Written by Trip Nasti
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Sunday, 15 November 2009

image for Queen to use the 'C' word in her upcomming Christmas day message.
The Queen pictured here at the annual Balmoral kitten stomping gala.

Christmas time here in the UK is all about the little traditions. Be it watching your child's first school nativity play or decorating your house to within an inch of its structural integrity.

One of the many traditions we here in the UK hold dear, whilst nursing our grossly distended stomachs, is to settle down in front of the television as a family and watch the Queens Christmas day message.

This year however, according to a memo leaked from within the walls of Buckingham palace, the Queen plans to lace her Christmas address with sexual innuendo and profanity.

In the past the Queen has padded her speeches out with views on events in the world and at home and has in general aired on the side of caution.

The closest 'Liz' has come to risqué in the past was in her now infamous 1992, 'Horrible Anus', Christmas day speech, in which she documents Prince Philips battle with infected piles.

Although I am not legally allowed to publish the leaked document in full, I am able to reveal some of the points raised and headings in it:

1. War, what is it good for?
2. Jedward; why in the name of all things holy did subjects
of mine vote for those two spanners?
3. That Gordon Brown, what a c**t!

As yet the Queen has refused to comment, so we asked Brian May what he thought, but he also told us to 'F**K OFF!'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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