Written by Eurocleese De Zouch
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Saturday, 14 November 2009

image for Former Yodelling Champion Seeks By-Election Victory
De Quack Before "The Change"..

Jens De Goor, a former Austrian Yodelling Champion, and Trouser Press Inspector is battling it out in a Somerset by-election, which will be held on November 29th. Recent polls held in the Chew Magna constituency, show that independent candidate De Goor, is 14 percentage points ahead of the Conservative candidate, Haridan Winston-Smythe.

The by-election was called, as the current incumbent member of parliament, Oswald De Quack was uncovered to have shouted simultaneous equations and other obscenities at Puffins whilst on a wildlife trip and trying on girdle in a local bookmakers. De Quack has stated in previous interviews that he is willing to fight for his seat - preferably bear-chested and covered in pictures of Imran Kahn.

Mr De Goor's policies include the compulsory teaching of Yodelling to all Primary school age children (and staff) in the constituency, the legalisation of heroin to the under fives, and yawning to be made optional, amongst many, many others.

Local sponger and part-time Luge enthusiast, Derek Abacus, 32, said "His policies seem extremely fair and reasonable. He has promised to moisten all my envelopes in a rotationary six monthy period if I vote for him - sounds like a jolly good deal to me."

If he wins, De Goor, 45, promises to wear his trademark "crazy" Leiderhosen during his potential acceptance speech, as well as promising to yodel a rendition of "Smack My Bitch Up" by the Prodigy.

Nick Clegg, leader of the Liberal Democrats will be visiting the area on Sunday week, in order to support De Quack's campaign. De Quack's campaign has faltered in recent weeks, after it emerged that he was big fan of PW Botha (former South African President) and he was caught on CCTV, trying to ejaculate on Wheelie Bins in a local council depot.

Other losers include; Tony Trumpet (Labour), Dave Empothuses (BNP), Eric Lumpen-Jones (UKIP), Fritz Stroker (Independent) and Peter Spoons (The Apologists Party).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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