Boris Johnson has revealed that he has been in counselling for the last three years to help him cope with Tristadecaphobia. He says this phobia has been getting worse lately because the year 2013 is coming, and he doesn't know how he'll be able to cope. He fears the strain of writing the number 13, every time he writes the date, will either kill him or cure him of his phobia of the number 13.
He says "Because I come from Britain (The Nation that invented Wiff Waff), I will try jolly hard not to let this terrible number defeat me. But just incase it does, I'm going to make the year 2012 extra bloody special."
He has decided that he's going to do everything he ever wanted to do during the year 2012 because the year 2013 is going to be hell.
Tristadecaphobia has been a problem for Boris ever since he was 13, when he discovered that he didn't much like the look of this number, and that really bad things generally seemed to happen to him on this day. He decided that for the purposes of his own health and safety it was best for everyone if he just stayed in bed on that day.
This tactic,however, still didn't keep him safe from the number thirteen. No, it didn't, because on the very next Friday the Thirteenth that came along, thirteen elephants fell on all thirteen of his houses, all at the same time. It was then that Boris realised that there was no escaping the number thirteen, it was out to get him.
That was 5 years ago now, but the Friday the Thirteenth horrors are still continuing to this day. Who could forget the day when thirteen pigeons pooed on his head on Friday thirteenth two years ago. Or last year when 13 Crocodiles ganged up on him and stole his bicycle. Noone can. Absolutely noone. Especially not Katarina Frogpond (that's me)
So on this Friday the Thirteen, I think we should all have a minutes silence for Boris and the many other tristadecaphobes all across the nation on this, their terrible day of fear. Katarina Frogpond (that's me) thinks it would be nice if someone with a technical mind (not me) could set up a Facebook campaign asking that the year 2013 be cancelled.
Its what Boris really wants but is Just too God damned brave to say. Good all Boris. Let campaign for the banning of the year 2013, so Boris doesn't have to.
By Katarina Frogpond.